the awakening

The hand of time turns and somewhere somehow another year has been marked.

If you truly know me, you know I am a “hippy at heart” -believe it or not it was through expressing these words my husband came to fall in love all over with me again this past year.

Truthfully, I fell in love with myself all over again/for that first time this past year. 

Some may not know my husband was diagnosed with a CSF leak December 2020. He suffered debilitating head aches and had to lay flat for extended periods of time. My trauma of loss was TRIGGERED and I felt the emotions as if I was going to lose him. I laid in bed crying, reliving they familiar sting of loss over again when I felt my sadness lift and I somehow saw my life, my passions and my hearts desires at a crossroad. 

Choice.

Discovery.

Dreaming.

I remembered how tomorrow is not a guarantee and if that’s a fact how do I want to show up tomorrow? What goals do I want to work towards in this life? 

I spent time with myself and realized I have a deep interest in learning as well I have a vision to expand my sphere of influence in healing peoples physical/mental and spiritual bodies. 

Without further adieu I put everything into applying to Medical School-I took a 3 month prep course, sacrificing time with my family and friends and I wrote their MCAT.

I spent hours reflecting and perfecting my “Top Ten” in my application. Top ten life experiences that have most impacted who I am today.

I found the gift of meditation through studying, balance, the actual importance of self care. 

An excerpt from one of my Top Tens from my Admission package to University of Calgary Cummings School of Medicine.

“December 21 2020 my husband developed sudden debilitating postural headaches. With incredible and quick assessment and intervention from local neurologist he was diagnosed with Spontaneous Cerebrospinal fluid leak with initial treatment conservative. To be fully honest I will share with you that I thought he would be diagnosed with brain cancer and I felt an immense sense of grief and fear as I waited for the results of his initial scans. I felt triggered with the same feelings that had overwhelmed and flooded me on a now regular schedule of every 4 years. I had many difficult days as I managed working, child care, all house responsibilities, and a puppy as Shawn had to lay flat for a total 8 weeks. I spent time journaling and tapping into inner wisdom as I processed what was happening. It was through this period of difficulty and soul searching that I naturally unveiled my aspiration to evolve my healing gifts and apply to become a physician. I was reminded how short and fleeting life is and how truly we are never promised tomorrow, the time is now to make a difference in the world towards the betterment of humanity. Rising up to our highest potential using our strengths that are predisposed within us.

 I am finding it difficult to put to words all that I have learned from April until now as I continue to grow in this new found confidence and passion to serve with a bigger sphere of influence. Regardless of the outcome I am forever changed.

My confidence grew as I struggled with feeling un worthy of the effort in trying, who am I to apply? I do not have a typical mode of entry. I found myself battling through daily time commitments and sacrifice to self and my family, I realized the value in prioritizing self care as most importantly I needed mental strength to learn all I could in this short amount of preparation time. All things started working together with an ease of synchronicity. I have unveiled opportunities to connect with people on my heart and this has given me great joy and passion. I am able to sing gospel hymns every Sunday in a small undeveloped church on the Blood Reserve. I believe the future of healing and medicine is bright and I look ahead to a future of equality and love for all people.”

I got my letter of regret from the admissions office 2 weeks ago and though it felt a bit sad I was relieved as I felt very strongly it was the process that taught me everything.

It was my husband., children and friends standing behind me-believing in me every step of the way that has opened up my heart and brought life like I’ve never felt before.

I walk into 34 with joy and appreciation. 

What lays next I am not sure